Speaking from my own experience there is nothing I want more than to meet the needs of a partner and join with them spiritually. The world upside down when you dont know yet that your family is a bunch of monsters trying to kill you since childhood who would.. even consider that as an option? It goes against that 1-dimensional description. This is how YOU know The Aspie World 233K subscribers Join Subscribe 1.2K Share 24K views 1 year ago #Autism #ASPERGERS #Narcissism This is the. I am finally free from the emotional yoyo that was my life and feel such relief. He has not worked for 10 years now (hes 46) and I am the only person bringing in money. My father (boss in healthcare) made me get fired after i discovered his fraudulent scheme. What can I do to help put some balance in this situation? That said, she was abusing me over an extended period of time whether it was High-functioning Autism, NPD, BPD, ASPD, C-PTSD, Substance addiction, or any number of combinations of these conditions. Narcissism is a personality condition that ranges from mild to severe. I take everything as its not in a hospital that i willfind the answers i am looking for and looking for people with a title that says they are professional in that is just asking for trouble narcs love these positions of power No go. However, it is possible for someone to have both Aspergers Syndrome and psychopathy. depression. Catch 22 comes to mind here. Im very easy going although not a push over. I was somewhat ill mentally and physically. Its hard to conceive, it took me 20+ years to figure out myself. I lived with him for around 38 years and one of the worst things to be experienced is the manipulation and degrading of personal self and loneliness under the barrage of rot they seem to like to dish up. I felt by explaining the above, it could help in knowing what level youre on to know how to handle it. Does he do horrible things, yes. Here is a link that gives quite a good explanation: autismspectrum.org.au/sites/default/files/Vic/The%20DSM%205%20Autism%20Spectrum%20Disorder%20criteria.pdf No. Unfortunately this pandemic has thrown a wrench in our meetings but I will see her again. The answer is that they are. Recognize that your partner may derive pleasure from hurting you. Went to a specialist Doctor to be assessed and tested. A lot to learn but worth trying. This was not who I was and came to a pivitol point around that time, as I felt deep misery. He will pick up every small thing around the house I do, particularly when he gets stressed. If I give him space he finds the words. Do not be satisfied with the status quo; instead, get in there and help your loved one learn how to relate to you in a healthy way. If I try to see him through glass I can see that he is self-obsessed, opinionated, considers himself always right (which he almost always is because of his intelligence) can be arrogant and is consumed with his own family, their happiness and his health. I been rich, my family is rich and it never made anyone happy. I tick many of the boxes of the list in this article and its so confusing. As I said previously I have a daughter (unmarried) who has high functioning autism, I have another daughter who doesnt have autism, but has two children with it. No, but was referred to another phone number. (He had no father or siblings and was very isolated growing up.) Develop healthy, happy connections within other relationships. The ones that work to gain your trust.. work in fields like these.. are nice .. too nice.. then stab you in the back or when you ask.. the important questions like mine.. they suddenly start working in the same direction aas my family. He hates being interrupted when he is doing anything, or even just thinking. My reaction scared me and I finally left him for my own sanity. I found it very beneficial. His relationship with his Dad was very questionable. Step back and really take a look at him. Depression, by Paul Hauck My brother is recovering slowly with the help of the therapy team and is now at the stage where he must understand the importance of moving through and beyond his experiences. I really struggle with this because codependents are urged to draw boundaries with people who do not meet their emotional needs. Just.. to not be under attack 24/7 all year long is such a relief i am.. I let the way that others treat me and respond around me dictate how I then think and feel about myself. Going by this chart, I have no idea what to believe now. Practice Management Software for Therapists, Rules and Ethics of Online Therapy for Therapists, How to Send Appointment Reminders that Work, Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/narcissism-vs-aspergers-how-can-i-tell-the-difference-1114174, Clueless about damage they cause even though they can be hurtful and, Hurts other peoples feelings and doesnt care, Has intuition and uses it to get narcissistic supply, Tends to flip into different modes or personalities (Dr. Jekyll/Mr. I am a 47 yo woman who has recently realised she is autistic and currently seeking a diagnosis. Ofcourse that didnt help make my life easier haha can you believe a ADHD senstiive autistic child in a family of cold-hearted monsters They wanted me to shut up but i jsut wouldnt. He loves history with a laser focus and when we go places Im expected to show the same level of interest he has or he thinks were not compatible. Narcissism or Asperger's? How to Tell the Difference If you go as psy you must want to help, make people feel better.. not destroy them or make them worst. I might be too, just not as much as him so I try and sympathize with his unusual behavior but its getting harder to do. Id like to hear from some of these unusual couples as they may be an inspiration for less fortunate individuals. Holey moley, sometimes you have to go deep down in the comments to find the real deal :) Thanks! Hes extremely intelligent, honest and dependable. However the Blind person cannot fathom how they know so much about it, so he gets up and eventually fumbling feels the statue lifts it, the texture, centre of gravity and many extra details you get from that sort of examination ( please pretend everyone else didnt notice the blind guy doing this) The blind guy tries to contribute to the conversation but no one relates to what hes talking about, because they have only observed the colour appearance and possible texture. In the past I have family here If he goes away camping for the weekend etc but I want to be able to have my door open for them not just on those occassions. I feel there is something not right here, some kind of personality disorder which led me to your article on Aspergers. As my daughter says, those on the autistic spectrum are not quite the same as those, not on the autistic spectrum, but then she says she just doesnt fit into the guide of what a normal person in this world is expected to be. My daughter was diagnosed as Level 2, which describes her as socially unable to mix. Any views and opinions expressed are not necessarily shared by GoodTherapy.org. The narcissist harms other people because they are harmed themselves. I really dont believe the previous person is correct. They would pay everything in exchange of me signinig to work for them after my studies. He can be as sweet as pie and can be mean and cruel I suspected autisim (his nephew has a more than moderate case living with supervision in a home). Shes not trying to be mean. The Myth of Normal, by Gabor Mat with Daniel Mat (in a previous edition, entitled When the Body Says No, but I recommend the new edition) Fantastic books, Id recommend them to anyone in recovery, and anyone interested in the human condition. Warm regards, Jean. The worst case scenario was a workaholic trait which eventually took its toll and the sexual abuse came to light. And it starts all over, the hurt, the misery, the messing with your brain and all the other stuff that goes on. No one backstab me or do things that enable me to get into much deeper trouble. Thank you so much. Apparently it had been a nightmare situation for some years till they worked out where this young fellow was coming from. Once they knew how his mind worked the parents put in strategies on ways to handle him and get him back down to their level. He is a movie buff and can watch the same movie over and over, sometimes within the same week. Here is the problem that confuses me. 4. I probably triggered her to self-medicate. Could it be your loved one displays symptoms of both? We have been in our current home for four years, and its part of a rental scheme where the rent is below market value. Joanna. There could be a variance either way for the autism and the same with the narcissistic traits. I dont want to be selfish but I also need to know how do I have a voice in these situations? The flashback was in real time, I felt intolerable pain, and also the emotion of terror. He told me he did a quiz too and it came back saying he was likely Autistic. I just came to the understanding that narcissism is a spectrum, and that my mother might be on it. He told me hes leaving to help his ex again knowing how hurt I was the first time. I was also supporting my brother during his own lifes difficulties due to childhood sexual abuse which I knew nothing about. Why may be difficult to understand. I try to make others happy cauz it makes me .. happy. 5. Narcissists have a way of getting you back, its called guilt. Maybe thats just evidence that some things can be more than one thing, and that someone can be a bit Aspergers AND a bit narcissistic. However, it is possible for someone to have both Asperger's and narcissistic personality disorder. This is my second marriage. Thank you. The book if anyone is interested is Look Me In the Eye. Most libraries have it and most bookstores. Weird, but Im not complaining. Like today . Although I still dont believe he is. Is it really fair to say that those with Aspergers and HFA lack empathy? He told me I have Aspergers Syndrome, I had books to buy and strategies to learn etc. If you are worried about the mental health of yourself or someone you care about, prioritize it. we live in a world of extremes of both and there is your answer. I mean therapies and such helped but .. really.. 10% therapy 10% medications 80% my own discoveries and work on myself. Im sure there are probably more issues with this article. All the self help books provide the type of suggestions suitable for a 35 50 year old still in work, with children and friends and a reasonable partner, who is thought to be wanting to get on and achieve goals My only goal is to get through another day. Life is much better now, I know not to expect her to do things straightaway, but to work up to them. 3. Im 73 now, and feel better than Ive ever been in my whole life, more cheerful, creative, mentally aware and relaxed, etc. I have included a link if I may that may help with some understanding of the situation. It isnt. And in this situation knowing he is a narcissist has taken a lot of my wounding away from our very difficult relationship and I have come to terms with how our relationship is. However I seem to have entered a happy final phase. But after reading comments on this website I am totally convinced it is narcissism with my spouse. To understand her better I read books, watched DVDs and sought any other information that was informative. at this point I feel like Im over accomodating to his needs and not getting my own needs met. Psychopaths, autism, empathy, and mirror neurons. People stop accepting non-sense from pseudo-experts and get some big perspective on life. If you think you or a loved one may have both bipolar disorder and autism, it's important to understand how the conditions appear together. But its hard to feed from happiness these days.. everyone is so in the dark :( . that its my fault that bla bla.. they tortured me.. guilt trip me.. they enjoyed the god dam narcs they knew they wouldnt have more chances after THEN after days saying they had no found.. that it was useless to ask after 1 hour with me on 10 days empty stomach.. dizzy and all lost they popped food and lied telling me my other therapist was bringing me to food bank last time but i missed the appointment (trying to earn money online to eat!) Please dont underestimate how hard changing your perspective can be!!! If its housing trust accommodation the tenancy will not transfer to him unless its joint tenancy of course. Read this if you think you don't have Aspergers Individuals with Asperger's may have some anxiety surrounding intimacy, and physical closeness can sometimes make them uncomfortable. I wasnt after marriage as I have learned this isnt always appropriate for some but it doesnt mean a relationship cannot develop that will be satisfying for both parties. Perhaps if you did some research yourself on narcissism and manipulation you may get a better sense of whether this is happening to you or not. Instead of him understanding our limited funds, the needs he has, and the terrible ripoff the rental market is here, he just keeps insisting its all my fault and my bad choices. But @ times he really gets to me & upsets me with his behaviour ! If you build house you build houses! Good day I would think generally no, by definition, those with asperger's could not also be narcissistic. As I look at the descriptions of each in this article, what behaviours of each look like in everyday life, it is not as clear cut as it is often made out to be. The limit is other people's recognition. He said I it was from a 30 year job in law enforcement where that is accepted but I think its just the way he is like he has no clue not to do it. She now feels much better about herself and her anxiety levels have gone down somewhat. Delilah Thought I would add my 2 I have been aware of having Aspergers Syndrome for 18 years (Im 55 now), most of the above is true from a Nuerotypical point of view, I have been married twice, they both failed, after about three years, my first wife just got increasingly frustrated and angry, I became increasingly sad, as I couldnt work out why she was becoming more angry and abusive. Not everyone wants to help like I do. She has equal parts of autistic traits AND narcissistic traits! Take charge of your own life. Because i could sit .. and write down all of this.. all the proof that shows.. its real. I was not looking for another relationship and did not date other men as I thought I had had my chance at marriage. I wonder do you feel that the more he tells you it is not working the more you want to help him because you feel he has a problem you may be able to help with? 7. I have learned people with Aspergers or autism as its now called suffer from a lot of anxiety. I then went looking for more information so I could understand what I was dealing with better, and found the information about her bubble situation, explained in a different way, but meaning the same thing. He contacted me about having a coffee however I made him wait for a couple of months, i just wasnt ready. Im sure you receive benefits which means you may not understand how to manage you expenses. After a month or so of this I asked my son and some male friends about the remarks and they said what he was saying was disrespectful to me and I should stop seeing him. and sympathise and I think that may be where some people with Aspergers may have difficulty. Like looking through real glass and not the rose coloured kind. It would be good if this article was at the very least amended because it still comes up in search terms and it is perpetuating harmful beliefs. On the general issue what is most tragic about all these discussions, as well as the reality of the negative people and the denial of causes physical and otherwise is that these victims on both sides of abuse are using the language of the psychologist and psychiatrist you havent realised that they are your enemy to be simplistic because theyre false narrative is trapping you from getting help for yourself or the family A few times he said I was a good person. Questions or concerns about the preceding article can be directed to the author or posted as a comment below. I try to be as humble and honest as i can but in our world the narcs are everywhere and they abuse it everytime they can so i had to change. There isnt much more important than mental health. I honestly dont know if I would bother with therapy if not for the potential to help improve my marriage as we both move into our middle age (which Ive heard can be a turning point for many/most). I look back now and the courage it took for me to end it was beyond me and something I have not ever regretted. That includes his dental work. Rescuing the Inner Child: Therapy for Adults Sexually Abused as Children 9. I havent had the courage to put myself back out there since an adult diagnosis because I want to get things right and dont feel Im ready. Always calm.. no drama.. no.. nothing. he a generous man, kind in a funny way, like washing dishes, hoovering, etc without asking. I had to have my own money and life, interests, friends. yes. I hope Ive explained it so you can understand what I am trying to say. So i did not.. get no help on that side. It was very difficult growing up with an older sibling who was very manipulative and all about self. Narcissism or Aspergers? Narcissists with Aspergers? | Lucky Otters Haven Yes one doesnt have to go overboard with putting themselves first, but they dont have to give in to the whims of what others want to feel happy. Very good, helpful article. I would have thought either you do them willfully or your are unaware of them altogether. This article is great and I love the comparison table. She even pushed me to lose 100,000$ i had won gmabling while i was just tyring to quit knowing it was all going back. You only have one life you can live, no one gets a second chance. Since they were all teaming up on me, i had no allies, i had no help. To Maureen, no chance this allows comments these days or that you can check this but in case it works and anyone reads I have a stepmom with narcissistic traits and I have autisim, and this article is so right We dont get along very well. I also believe I am Autistic (currently undiagnosed). I now realise this constant bashing I experienced was in part because I was such an easy target as an autistic person and also a constant thorn in their sides because 1. I learned that my breakdown was caused not by the stress of change of job and moving house to another county. This kind of relationship is hellish and I would advise anyone going through it to leave if they are in the earlier stages of their marriage/or life. I am confused and broken hearted. My family story is full to the brim with the human condition and how it can impact the members of an afflicted family. I try my best with them but my psy is a narc the type of my father (he physician boss in healthcare) and my therapists most are narcs too the weak ones like my mother. Which makes me suspicious. . Asperger and HFA are all Autism so they are the same, just a spectrum meaning traits that can range from mild to severe. Inappropriate sexual behaviour was being exhibited too. What? But the way i dealt with my gf in the 15-22 yo period was like a true narc I behaved like my father and i couldnt stand it so after that from 22 to now.. i stayed single, no children. Lol cauz if narcs feed of peoples misery i dont. I am aware there is no known info whether or not it is hereditary but always wondered because of others in our family with it. I feel its not going to be easy for him but there is no going back now. I contacted her psychologist and asked if they tested adults. saying it was all my fault bla bla. I call my mother i tell her about the 5k.. im thinking about therapies, ways to help myself. Im guessing he didnt understand that his guilt-tripping behaviour was in fact guilt-tripping and would cause me to feel horrible, because he has the autistic trait of not having some of that surface-level emotional and situational understanding. Im not sure if what I have written will help but I hope so even if its just a little. The preceding article was solely written by the author named above. Im a Christian and like the verse that says He that covers over his sins shall not prosper and vengeance is mine, I will repay and he who troubles his house shall inherit the wind. I need context for everything to understand it. I understand Frederics frustration but lots of narcissists dont know they are afflicted, and I expect some dont care. Does he object if you want to go out independently, and if so he may well be narcissistic in his behaviour. Do I really like this man, no. Ive started to see a counselor to gain better understanding of myself and to try to change but Im now worries that maybe my narcissistic side is manipulating this poor fellow and were just pretending to deal with things that arent the root cause of my problems that ultimately present as abuse or neglect of my spouse. 10. A double minded man is unstable in all of their ways. So i try to open my own eyes, sustain the face in the mirror which i do pretty well these days hehe :) . There was an element of narcissism too. Can I please get a clarification here? Its helped me work out my boundaries much better and he is easier to manage now that I can see what is happening. Both ADHD and NPD can impact the way you see yourself, others, and . Yes they may not realise that their emotions confuse the more normal people, but they do have a certain amount of empathy. I was able to return to almost good health after eliminating pre made and eating fresh and foods with no additives. Rather than getting upset by this, I recommend practicing acceptance. Now that I understand what makes her tick, I have been able to make adjustments to the way we interact and this has made our lives far better. When I have these thoughts I think of it as the Mammoth thats weighing me down, and after a little practice I can now make that lousy thought from my Mammoth disappear. Do You Have Aspergers Or Narcissism? I feel terrible about what I did. Do you feel you are accepting his lack of input? Learn how they behave, think ahead of time to protect myself from future attacks to my safety etc. One begins to get used if they give in too much, its human nature to like to get our own way. But the relationship was then, and hard, and without that relationship I mentioned, with the Aspergers/Narcissicistic person, I would not have had my second breakdown in 2015, which was more severe than the first, and took much longer to recover from. I have three GREAT kids. Joanna. However after a while new events/situations became more frequent, and I had no clue or understanding to respond to them same outcome, she left. The reason Im relating this is because whether a person is Autistic or otherwise they are people!!!! You certainly appear to have empathy, because by staying with him you feel you could help him. From what you have said, he considers you are the problem in this relationship and this is the reason why he is making statements that it is not working and hes telling you this with his list. This is typical narcissistic behaviour and is a tactic they use to demoralise and destroy the confidence of another person who allows them into his or her life. I had spent the past 20 odd years trying to help my husband and felt a tremendous amount of guilt because of things he would say to me. After thinking about it, maybe I have a reading comprehension problem as the title 'Misdiagnosing Narcissism as Asperger's Disorder' means narcs getting dx as spergs to me , shouldn't it be 'Misdiagnosing Asperger's Disorder as Narcissism' . Still they can write down on a sheet of paper all the traits and signs i have of all the abuse but then when i put them in front of the reality they all suddenly become retarded on purpose and tell me i blame others for my failures its all my fault i need more more therapy always more therapy! I sat down on my bed, said a prayer and asked for forgiveness for the person I had become. I do not play head games or understand why people play them, I therefore frequently end up being the loser in social situations. The two books we have read are Look Me in the Eye and Born On a Blue Day, if I may add them here. I am so pleased that you have managed to have a good relationship with your mother. Look to any anthropology. With my 3 bro/sis all narc to heavy level its sure i was meant to be or .. am i? And I remembered for the first time that I had been abused as a child. i have autism and im not one-dimensional. And no you arent grumbling unnecessarily as you are in effect keeping him, and he isnt a dependent child, he is supposed to be a partner. Because nobody is ruining everything i do in my back. HELL YA! If you are in a relationship with a person on the autism spectrum, it is helpful to know how to take care of yourself. My personal view is that some on the autism spectrum can relate to animals far easier than they can to their fellow humans. Luckily I was able to find such very excellent therapy for my brother, but more by luck than judgement, believe me. I randomly searched and found your comments and felt like I found an answer I was long searching for. Therapists foundation staff that have a guy like me.. messed up like me.. living there cauz i cant on my own ask help.. over and over.. and none understood that ignoring me.. or telling me to deal with it was.. CRAZY. I watched a DVD recently by a psychologist called Dr Richard Eisenmeyer. Has anyone run across any studies of people who have had no vaccines or other exposure to heavy metals etc, who dont use drugs including caffeine, and/or who take supplements including essential minerals, B and other stress vitamins? I feel so sorry for my mom who has lived with this man for thirty six years, Goodness me. I never solved it, it just wasnt there any more. He knew he carried something but he didnt inform me, so I had to presume he had either been diagnosed or had taught himself to be careful in certain areas of his behaviour, mainly due to getting himself into hot water in the past, I imagine. Break up and never look back. Im not perfect either but telling him my point of view or that you feel left out or asking for the same emotional support I give him (my daughter is going through tremendous health problems) shouldnt be called a lecture. Plus not sensitive and insensitive are the same thing, so I dont really get why you didnt just use the same word. Nine months ago his 34 year old daughter moved back in with him after getting a divorce and had an old dog that had been living with her friend while shed been married and now wanted it at her dads place to live with her. Not everyone is as gentle and understanding as I am. Am I with someone autistic, a narcissist, or both? And Im now again trying to keep up. I hope you and your brother find ways through, may you both find, in your different lives, peace and love. 2. The tribal cousins do not have these so called disorders. Hello Freja, I understand there are four levels of autism. Yes, autism is not easy to understand, but learning about it helps with understanding where that person on the spectrum is, and makes for a far easier life. The difference is that while all people with Aspergers are narcissistic (not NPD, but self-centered; it's a central trait), all people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder are definitely not aspergers, and can be the total opposite: super smooth and charming. People living on devices, with bluelight burning their retina and corneas. This means being around people she doesnt know causes her anxiety she cant control, so to counteract this she retreats back into her safe place. I dont intentionally do these things, but the result is the same: hurting the one person I have in my life (I dont have friends or family aside from her). Both involve hard wiring that cannot be fixed. All rights reserved. Asperger's or autism is a form of neurodivergence. With the publication of the fifth edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), this label disappeared, replaced by autism spectrum. Mel, how is your reading comprehension? We developed fantastic intimacy when were were in that space, and I doubt Ill find anything to compare with it. Even if i explain and show how my mother tried 3 times in 15 years to push me to suicide by enabling gambling and making me have loans i didnt even want. From what you have said I can see a certain amount of manipulation going on.