why do i feel disgusted when someone touches me why do i feel disgusted when someone touches me

My prayers to you both. I can live with the status quo. Fake it till you make it is bad advice I was given (my now wife was pregnant and we had to get married by our families). Its difficult to talk to anyone about this since its so personal and I also dont want to harm my husbands manhood. Ive prayed and cured over this so many times, but cant seem to get past it. So in time and watching porn I couldnt get it up any more! Can a childhood of emotional and physical abuse also cause this? When I was more sexually active, I had this fear that if I dont have sex then my sexual libido will disappear completely, and when my recent partner started saying no to sex often, I found myself completely always turned off all the time. For highly sensitive people especially, sex isnt just purely physical, its also emotional, mental, and even spiritual. Sex is an act. I now do it in order to keep up my end of the bargain although i do not enjoy it. hi i am a 36 year old male with a history of bipolar and severe psychological depression and ocd. Step 1, helps determine the problems, step 2 shows trust, by digging up these negative feelings with your partner IN the same room, Step 3 hopefully puts the mind at ease, by closing the arguments, or finishing them. Were looking for help. Im a 19 year old female college student and recently Ive been experience extreme bouts of fear and anxiety when it comes to the prospect of physical intimacy with another person. This relationship is not right. I panicked. I was beginning to hate sex. Though I can look at myself naked in the mirror now and accept it, releasing any blame I may have assigned to myself there isnt anything I can do about it and the only way I could have stopped it was for someone to tell me that I would be scarred and physically damaged by it, then I would have not had children at all. WebOne of the most common reasons you experience a disgusting feeling when someone reveals they like you is because you have been significantly hurt in your past relationships. I will be praying for you. but a couple times of that and even then10 minutes would go by and it would be So are you finished yet or.?. I want us to be lost in each other. I am a married man who has been with my wife over 20 years and 16 of those have been mostly sexless (1x per year or less). very low, sad and upset. My husband so depressed in 2009 over no sex and no time off in 28 years He developed MRSA in his spine crippling him. I deeply apologize for that. So I dont have a success story- yet, but, I am very hopeful! Did you ask him why he feels this way? Like I have told therapists I know exactly what my issues are, how they came to be and what it will take in a normal situation to overcome/move past it. I have definitely dealt with forced sexual activities during my late adolescent years. Which I know is part of the Trauma of my sexual aversion. We just process things differently and this is step one to figuring out this side of us. a love life is overrated for a lot of people, me included. I do not want to be touched, I do not want to have sex, I do not want to have anyone tell me anything about sex. Truly surprising. It feels good to share. I am not certain if you are replying to the entire article, or to a specific person in the thread, but I think that it is fair to related lack of attraction to negative feelings if sex is involved. It can happen to ANYONE, male OR female, I absolutely agree, and it is miserable. Whilst being asexual doesnt automatically mean touch aversion will come into play, it can be something which is experienced. Please think about this. Only thing now is, I felt I was manipulated..bc he said and acted liked he wanted the same very things I did. There does seem to be though, a situation in which any given individual may have sexual feelings, and engage in sex as long as conditions are favorable. Then there was a trauma with my kids (one sexually assaulted the other in another) and I went into PTS. Personally, I think sex is a disgusting, primitive, and useless act. Asexuality. Or even jokingly put someone down, even in jest. I remain sexual with my husband because he has not become resentful of my situation. Sorry you feel that way. If the lack of sex is an issue talk to your wife if you cant find a solution get a divorce unless shes OK with you cheating on her. Thanks, Hi Angie. Our friendship/relationship changed in character just recently, and became more personal. I do not even want to kiss, hug, hold hands, have sex or even talk about sex. This might not be to the point where pain And she hasnt experienced traume. Turning a guy on can please a woman without having to be touched. I began ice skating lessons, coloring in kids coloring books expand your physical activity (workout, it helps to get over the emptiness and bitterness) and throw yourself into art. He was just like your boyfriend..a boy not a man. My ex husband up and left over 6 years ago and I absolutely refuse to allow a man to pursue me. even down to strained and negative relationships with male family members. It is a part of a healthy marriage. We did not know for a year he would not be allowed to reenlist due to the way his mental attitude had developed when he was mostly under watrer for three and a half years The navy even apologized for the wayhe sliped through the regs requiring a certain amount of time without being on patrol. Well, now at least I know where I stand. and it was not until recently that I could put a name on what I have which is a cross between asexuality and sex aversion disorder i believe. Heartbreaking. Some common thoughts and emotions associated with sexual aversion may include: Its important to understand that sexual aversion is common, especially among women. I get repulsed at the thought of it, I get tense and I want to scream and cry hysterically. Sharing one part of your feelings every couple of days can really help or hold hands on a beach walk but push emotions and feelings out not hold them in Stop thinking sex sex sex it will flow at the right time. Thanks for reading and listening with your eyes & mind. When you blow off your partner. (Weve periodically had an open relationship, and she hasnt had this response with other lovers.) I thought i was the only one going through this horrible situation, i use to love to touch, be touched and enjoyed sexual engagement with my husband but these days i feel so uncomfortable, irritable, lack of sexual desire and i dont recall any trouma in my childwood at all, he is all i ever wanted, soft, caring and wonderful man, what is wrong with me? Im sorry that you have had such horrible experiences with men. It doesnt say they arent interested, but that it causes anxiety. Due to his nature and personality, he could not understand my love language was very different than his, in addition to many other factors. are meant to, and result in him receiving sexual pleasure especially to the point of orgasm/ejaculation, then theres NOTHING wrong with that! One, is I probably did not heal from my sexual trauma on an emotional level. if I had not, I would have been gang raped in an alley and this happened in an affluent area of town one of the most expensive places in America to live. he arrived at 4 am on the 28th to no greeting from me but a note on his fathers door to take the sofa and leave me alone. Sometime after we moved in together the sex began to slow and i had trouble becoming aroused. But I am not necessarily excited or happy to oblige to have sex. I feel that I no longer want to have sex because I am not in love anymore, even though I do love him but I am not in love with him. I managed to have 3 kids but only when i was pregnant did i want to have sex.before and after i couldnt and still cant until we get started. She has a tough time putting her feelings into words, so this helped. I want to want to have sex and be intimate, but it just makes me feel so disgusting. The firstthings started going wrong that morning when he and several other military were told by the boarding agent that she did not care whsat military orders they were trsavelling under she had several local and state vips goingto the 500 racee on that flight that needed the seats so they were going to have to arrange to wait a few days for another flight. I know that is unusual but I would. I have never been sexually abused, but havw been pinned down twice to the ground from two male family members/friend of the family because I refused to hug them (on seperare occasions) I have been mentally abused and called ugly most of my life. Ohh I also lose feeling during sex as well which is bad because, I want to have a continuous sexual arrousal, and usually sexual arrousal is very short and often, stops when we get to intercourse, its almost like my body shuts itself off when it senses that intercourse is the last thing on the list or the end of sexual love making, so my body stop feeling excited after a few thrusts..,but yea..its confusing to me. Both emotions arise as our body responds to a Instead of forcing his time for one that summer I lived at my mother the next two year while my husband father got him put under a court order requiring him to go to the court for his vacation request which for the next 13 years was never granted In 2000 hedecided he did not care what the court bwas going to or not going tio grant he was going to Bavareria with me over the milliniall holiday after the most horrible argument and my offer when we returned we would see to it he got time out of the plant He did not have to defy the court and the community over the holiday we would talk things through after the new century and try and find ways to go some place nice, If you have every heard the way a sailor can make you feel less than an inch tall it was one of those times He flattened the first two deputies that showed up to take him into custody then the next two caught him chasing his father around and two other men who tried to restrain him and they tassed him to his kneess. after my husband kicked the front door in on top of me, and he was not hurt but four young men were laying in the street, yard and front porch dying. It definitely caused problems in my marriage and we are now divorced. Celibacy is wonderful it is stress free, drama free and pain free. All the best to you. I was lectured by the ombudsman that I was not to discuss any thing but reenlisting. Thank you for your contribution. Ive had this before with someone I loved very much, but once he revealed disappointment that he didnt get sex from me, as if I owe this to him or he is somehow entitled, this is where the repulsion kicked in. I was pushed onto a bus 40 minutes after flying in from Rome. A good way I can explain it is also whenever Im with a romantic partner and were just cuddling or hanging out on the couch, I feel somewhat threatened or scared by the prospect of being alone with them. Disgust. depressed or anxious. On my body changing after having a baby. One actually resulted in a pregnancy, which I choose adoption.. for the sake of the child. Yeah, thanks. I get what my body is telling me but its so frustrating. DONT GET MARRIED!! I wish with all my heart that I would want my husband sexually the way he wants me. Its all allowed. For myself.. It is my score to remove my self from a relationship that will never be understood from someone whom is set in their ways. I feel awful and dont understand it at all. Sex is in no way a basic need. Until you yourself can understand what is causing the aversion then your partner has no hope of ever understanding it. As I know and feel he wants to be the dominator over all I do. I dont understand how this works because it feels good sexually and I still can reach climax so I dont know how thats so disconnected. I was always brushed aside. I DO think that it would be benefical to practice positive self talk. I believe most people do. Even if you cant afford professional help right now, I think the best place to start is to be honest with yourself about your past experiences. Im not sure she even sees it as a problem at all. I want to give her pleasure and see her lose herself in sensation for just a brief moment. But alot of people that have this problem are inward people who dont like to share there emotions or feelings on a dayly basis. He looked at me and said feel free he was not ice skating someplace just barely warmer in mid winter than the mid west. I just tell him that I love him and want to be with him, but that Im just not feeling any sexual desires. Crape Dieum Or seize the day. He did not hit me he just let go as I tugged and I went over backwards. But I am slowly accepting that I cant change the past but I can allow healthy and sane people in my life on a daily basis. I decided to force my BF of 13 years leave and dive headfirst into my faith pleading with God to help me and pull me up out of the awful mire of that life and he DID! Like clearly, Im sleeping, doing homework, watching a video on my phone and he all of a You would think that my need to clear the house of that stress would push me to work past my aversion and just give him that relief so we can move on. I dont enjoy deep conversations or sitting on the couch with him Im too afraid he will ask me for sex. And then theres all of the friends who will dump you because you are so negative about everything been there and done that too. Like if you were on a diet and were caught in the McDonalds drive thru. I dont think you are a freak, but if you are unlike me in the sense that you love your husband (I had a lot of resentment towards mine for his lack of compassion), I hope that you are able to take this information and get help. i feel guilty as my partner gets angry but all of a sudden is like that part of me died?? I absolutely loathe sex now because he has ruined it for me by demanding things he has seen on a screen that are not fun, comfortable, or sexy for me. Hi Sara. As someone from the other side of the spectrum, I can tell you that it could possibly be something involuntary within himself. I allow for sexual touch, but cannot enjoy it like others do. Only within a relationship does my body shut down sexually and I am unable to perform. I did as I was taught and followed the rules and ended up married to a sex avoidant wife. Being more or less comfortable with any one aspect certainly doesnt mean someone isnt sexually adverse at all, it isnt an all or nothing thing. As I have said in real life I don't really pursue relationships because I just think that in general humans are disgusting but I don't know how much of that is just a pattern of thinking that is a defense mechanism: constantly think about the disgusting aspects of other human beings (farting, poop, etc) so that your feelings can't be hurt by I have to find a way to overcome this. I made some really bad decisions, and sans Therapy, I was on course to make even worse. But.. like I said, this all sort of came out of the blue. If you listen to the commenters here, you will see that most of them dont have a revulsion to their partner. Or, maybe they could be Asexual or Demisexual. Things have changed, and Im going to have to figure out how to deal with this. We naturally feel disgusted in Most of my friends detest my husband and he calls them the bunch from hades. Every time you catch yourself thinking something negative, stop that thought and intentionally think of a positive thought to replace it. I think the first step was realizing the problem is not just ME . I was petrified, scared, begged hoping she would stop touching my areas until suddenly she saw it in my face. Actually, we were in complete sync. I used to think it was my medication causing the issues but certain meds can cause lack of drive; not a full on aversion. I went to his fathers after my mother bought me to Charelston SC to catch the bus to Kings bay with the rest of the wives going. play. Are there common warning signs or red flags that I should have seen? Weve had quite a few REALLY rough patches in the distant past, and more recent past. Partner is a person. In every other way I have had such a happy marriage. It is a challenge for me to be around men I am always conscious of my flab, stretch marks, fat and I make sure that no man ever (and I mean EVER) gets me a drink unless it comes with an unopened lid/cap.. this ensures I will not be drugged. It is very hard to explain something that, unless the other person has experienced it for themselves, you believe that there is no way they can comprehend. THE WAY I LOST HIM WAS FUCKED UP BASED ON RUMORS AND LIES. That is easier said than done, but through counseling we are slowly getting to a place where we can discuss it. We were HS sweethearts but went our separate ways and then yes later came back together again. This article and many of the comments brought me to tears as the realization that others are going through the same thing and there are some possible treatments . So after about 10 years and just gave up with her. An addiction is a compulsion to do something and an aversion is a compulsion to not do something. Second, I feel like I cannot control the situation when having sex. Thats on you, but take care of yourself as well. In part of my trying to reprogram my thoughts, I am going to decline my first instinct of denigrating men and relationships and instead say: I guess crazier things have happened I guess if GOD intervened and the man made the earth move. Uncovering and dealing with the Abuse has been quite painful, but far preferable to the decades of Limbo I endured. If this sounds like you or your partner, it may be a case of sexual aversion. Also how do I go about explaining this to my partner. His sister, youngest brother and I I think it could be an issue of energy exchanges between partners. If the cause is less serious, you will have to spend some time, on rewriting the brains responses and understanding of the causes and effects. Those with the disorder were sexually active before and felt that atraction.So if you have always felt this way and there was no trauma involved, Disgust often comes up in response to poisonous or toxic people, where deep trust and love has been betrayed. As with any problem you cannot force help on someone. We hope that information helps! At first, he saidhe didnt tell me to do that but we hadnt had any kind of sexual intimacy even at that point for a long time. Even after three strokes, Loosing all nerve impulse in his legs He still Is considered one of the most deadly people to cross. I hate sex,I dont want to even be touched. That is entirely consistent with someone having sexual aversion issues that arent perhaps the most extreme they could be. I totally agree with you. It is day to day. Its horrible and embarrassing. :). Im not sure if I have sexual aversion or just a severe case of menopausal sexual shut down. I only give him sex, because Im not an idiot and know how men think and they have their needs . I wish you well. i feel i have this problem and i dont know how to even begin to get treatment for it. Remember, Men are supposed to be spiritual leaders of women and families and be wanting healthy relationships with God and living right. I didnt neccisarily enjoy the actual act. Ive tried having sex with strangers I dont know, partners I was in a comfortable loving relationship and everything in between. WebSudden Repulsion Syndrome is your body coming to its senses. Hope you were able to sort that out :/ ) I just want to sell my home then run as far as I can, by myself. You dont mention what things you like to do to your boyfriend, but if youre doing things to tease, tantalize to the point of bordering on sodomy, Id question your actions/motives. Hi KC I completely understand and can relate to every word you said. I am pretty sure that is the case with my wife. It doesnt help that my husband of 13 years doesnt show affection til he wants to play. Sexual aversion can be treated with time and understanding. I came here looking for information on my own sexual aversion and after almost a year of struggling with it, my own husband came clean and told me he has a porn addiction. I could theorize that he is also an empath and can tune into me and would never push if it wasnt welcomed, and its just flows with ease, regardless of if sexual pleasure or a simple hug or snuggling takes place. But for the most part I was never able to get hard with anybody! After a while, I began to get anxious just knowing my husband was interested in sex. Your right.. most men are just plain pigs. his face and body frame were a perfect match for the character portrayal. Though, after more thought I realize that the vulnerable ages of women to get raped are teenage through 28. Youd think if I was wanting sex bad enough that I could just push this anxiety aside, but I cant! I do believe it is just guilt. I avoid date nights and sometimes even instigate arguments or bring up topics that I know will lead to a heated discussion in an effort to give myself an excuse not to want to have sex. It is such a painful thing to happen. Theres so much more to my story, but the jist of it all is that I crave sex, though Im in total control of myself when it comes to seeking an amicable sex partner. The agitation and hostility that arises from his sexual needs not being fulfilled to the extent he desires is felt by all of us in the home. And later, I fantasize about what could have/should have been, yet continue to miss these opportunities. I can see how she/you could think of it as your husband being some kind of deviant or sex maniac. After I had my baby, when I was physically unable to have sex, I loved my husband like crazy!! From 2001 to now its been hell on earth trying to get him to be4 a nice person about any thing. You almost have a condescending tone and thats the last thing she needs to hear. Sticking their filthy fleshy probes and squirting the toxins. I also love him and would never leave him.. but Im just not feeling the sexual desire for him anymore. I will revisit and post our results. Ill go over to the Asexual-forum , feel free to take a look at it whenerver you like. I simply dont like sex. Has your wife stated that she only does not want YOU as a romantic partner or that she doesnt want ANYONE? Im unsure if there will be much to discuss, as in many of our arguments, I was at fault. I know I was never traumatized in childhood, I had a normal appetite for most of adulthood, but Im in full-blown aversion territory now that I have 2 kids when my dating profile said doesnt want kids. Why have them? Right from day one, she wasnt interested. I had absolutely no sex education whatsoever, and my Mother constantly derided, and tried to make me feel ashamed of myself for showing even a vague interest in girls/women. Im not repressed; it simply didnt happen. See what your mind says, and begin a dialogue with your partner. Sex is just the LAST thing on my list. If you would like to consult with a mental health professional, please feel free to return to our homepage, http://www.goodtherapy.org/, and enter your postal/zip code into the search field to find therapists in your area. Is it normal if I like to do things to my boyfriend but I hate being touched myself? Im sure she realizes this, and appreciates this. (Is not its me). Thank you for sharing your strife as well. Sexual adversion deepened, his touch repulsed me as he subjectively would grab my privates or a breast publicly or home. Its a terrible problem really. So much emphasis is put on sex in our society. Especially our case, because the problem isnt truly and singularly: my wifes problem. Youre allowed to discover your personal sexual preferences, youre allowed to take your time in figuring this out, and youre allowed to say at the end of the day that you dont like sex and dont feel comfortable with it, if thats the conclusion you come to. In short, I doubt I will ever allow a man to touch me again. My husband is a handsome man and yet I dont feel physically attracted to him anymore. I am reading these comments to try to understand my wife and her revulsion for me. Try to find out why she has issues with sex. WebBut due to this unexplained horrible feeling, Im very scared to breastfeed my babies one day for fear of them somehow sucking on my nipples will give me that sickening feeling in the core of my being. I feel now that it was caused by Body Dysmorphic Disorder and not feeling like anyone would find me attractive. I often fantasize of my single days dating when relationships were not so needy. I have to say that from what I am reading (at least people are being honest) I dont see any hope for our marriage. Or maybe some sort of repressed feelings from before that are not yet able to acknowledge? Explain where your feelings come from. I cant understand how God could allow this to happen to us. I was abused for 2 years starting at 2 years old. To use your analogy, if a heterosexual female is not attracted to another female, that wont necessarily relate to negative feelings. I admire you sticking with your wife through all the years. I am in love with my wife so much but I dont know what to do anymore all i feel is being pushed away and it has put me in depression so what should I do. I was once walking at night to a club when I was about 25 years old, I was clothed from my neck to my ankles (the illusion of me is the perfect body size c breasts, little waist, the perfect hourglass) and then all of the sudden, I was surrounded by 6-7 very very drunk college idiots who then circled me like a pack of dogs (men are dogs bastards) and they were all trying to grab at me, licking their chops, making comments and trying to lift up my shirt I bulldozed it out of there and ran. What youre describing is exactly Asexuality and its not a disfunction. i am not traumatized. There is much more than just sex. I have the same symptoms like you but my familylife is a breeze. the real heart of the matter runs far deeper. I have become very unstable. He can see that and this also becomes a source of unspoken hostility. a disease which can be cured. WebEngaging in sexual activity when you are not aroused is harmful for your emotional well-being. It has become apparent that I suffer from this disorder. how can I get over this? I always do what I want to do, when I want, dont have a feeble man around who is just like another f$cking kid to take care of. Again Im sorry for my disrespectfull tone in my previous post. But Im tired of the judgement from women who are angry when I dont ask them out and get physical with them. Whatever you need to do about that I wont say. They have to be willing to admit its a problem and seek help. My issues began with menopause. The navy Doctors said extreme exhaustion and sleep deprivation causing a condition resembling extrem psycosis and paranoia. At the same time, your husband needs to be reminded that you require more from him in this area. So sorry to hear about your difficulties with your husband. Sex is part of that but I think its a small part. Easier said than done, but that is all I have right now and I love her enough to wait as long as it takes. Copyright 2015 GoodTherapy.org. I cant afford professional help though im hopeing this artical can help my husband understand what im going through. scared of being found out by family and friends. The Therapy may not only help with the Sexual Aversion, but also unlock an underlying issue that may be negatively impacting other areas of your Life. It takes me a good hour or so, crying in the bathroom, to calm down after having sex. I think the most important thing for you to do right now is to reflect on how these experiences have affected you (not just sexually, but mentally and emotionally as well). I cannot advise you in any way, but you are not alone. I wanted many times to have a sex life with my husband and even offered it as a reward in 2001 if he removed his bid for a new job and shift and let four younger seniority have the new department, shift, and plant. She cares in that way. Id say so. Yeah like women dont want to have sex willingly heck most woman are the pursuers. Information about what to do in a crisis is available here: http://www.goodtherapy.org/in-crisis.html. I couldnt keep lying and forcing myself to pretend I was enjoying sex just because my husband still needed sexual intimacy. WebWhen thinking of intimacy or engaging in sex, the person with sexual avoidance feels emotional distress and physical symptoms, such as nausea and tensed muscles, or they It makes me feel sad at times.. Hi Quinn, Feeling guilty about not being able to please him. There is nothing about it that I find enjoyable and I have been with men and women both who have tried to make me interested, it just never feels like it is for me. As for her not liking to be touched, I agree that is very common. It took an Airforce transportation officer to get transport arranged for the others and my hgusbandwashanded2400 and the return of a rental car as well as his temporary military drivers licsence extendred until he could get anew one when he arrived home. In the past, during high school, I never experienced these sort of fears or worries, but now that Ive hit college, they seem to be more prominent and strong.